I was watching Coronation Street recently and was struck by something. No, not the ratio of the amount of times Gail Platt blinks to the size of her head, which is so incredibly much to so incredibly little that surely there should have technically been some brain explosion or something by now. I digress; what actually struck me was the size of Becky Grainger’s biscuit. Now I am being serious. It was a digestive, if I’m not mistaken, and my, what a big digestive it was! It is sad that this strikes me, and not sad because I notice the sizes of biscuits on soaps (that’s obviously not sad!) but sad because the sizes have changed. They’ve reduced dramatically, and as I loyally ate my McVitie’s digestive half an hour later, I couldn’t help feeling a little put out.
If we think back to when we were little, or even better, ask our parents to think back to when they were little, it becomes obvious that many foodstuffs, particularly treat-like substances i.e. the biscuit have shrunk. Cream Eggs used to fit perfectly into eggcups, Mini Rolls were not that mini and a Big Purple One was a bloody big purple one. Now they have contracted, slowly but surely, so noticeably when you think about it that I’m sure it won’t be long until our Cadbury’s Fingers are Cadbury’s Toes (the baby toes on the end, mind). But why?! The success of these corporate companies today - McVitie’s, Cadbury’s, Fox’s, Nestle - are so significantly huge that it is inexcusable to cut back on produce, yet pretend they’re giving us the same. We, as their customers, have provided them with the money to be the ridiculous successes that they are - we forget the honest, individual businesses because the corporates give us easy access - and they repay us by giving us less! The world really is coming down with a size zero academic, not just amongst the Poshes and Parises but in our biscuits. No wonder people are getting skinny if they’re eating less unknowingly!
Now, I couldn’t manage to find any figures to prove this argument (for some reason, no one wants to provide a website stating the changes in biscuit dimensions) but I’ve heard it from quite a few different people, so we can’t all be imagining it. I am loyal to my digestives, I have them every night, but it disappoints me to think they haven’t been loyal to me. I don’t know where Becky Grainger got that biscuit from but it certainly wasn’t a big brand packet (although maybe it’s different up north?), but anyway, I wish she’d tell me. I think it’s time that biscuits got their figures back (even though that might ruin mine…).
If we think back to when we were little, or even better, ask our parents to think back to when they were little, it becomes obvious that many foodstuffs, particularly treat-like substances i.e. the biscuit have shrunk. Cream Eggs used to fit perfectly into eggcups, Mini Rolls were not that mini and a Big Purple One was a bloody big purple one. Now they have contracted, slowly but surely, so noticeably when you think about it that I’m sure it won’t be long until our Cadbury’s Fingers are Cadbury’s Toes (the baby toes on the end, mind). But why?! The success of these corporate companies today - McVitie’s, Cadbury’s, Fox’s, Nestle - are so significantly huge that it is inexcusable to cut back on produce, yet pretend they’re giving us the same. We, as their customers, have provided them with the money to be the ridiculous successes that they are - we forget the honest, individual businesses because the corporates give us easy access - and they repay us by giving us less! The world really is coming down with a size zero academic, not just amongst the Poshes and Parises but in our biscuits. No wonder people are getting skinny if they’re eating less unknowingly!
Now, I couldn’t manage to find any figures to prove this argument (for some reason, no one wants to provide a website stating the changes in biscuit dimensions) but I’ve heard it from quite a few different people, so we can’t all be imagining it. I am loyal to my digestives, I have them every night, but it disappoints me to think they haven’t been loyal to me. I don’t know where Becky Grainger got that biscuit from but it certainly wasn’t a big brand packet (although maybe it’s different up north?), but anyway, I wish she’d tell me. I think it’s time that biscuits got their figures back (even though that might ruin mine…).
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