Tesco Light Choices Maple Cereal Bars

You know that drama exercise you used to be made to do in school, where you had to pretend there was a massive chewing gum in your mouth and you had to ‘chew’ it for ages, this piece of nothing, to exercise your mouth muscles? Well you’ll be happy to know you can relive that experience by eating one of these cereal bars. Literally, harder to chew than a big piece of toffee (although it’s not sticky, thankfully) and even harder to find a bit of taste - I really think Tesco forgot to put the flavour in here. I have used the expression ‘it tastes of nothing’ quite a few times before and yet never have I genuinely, genuinely meant it until now. This is bad, considering the third ingredient in the bars is fructo-oligosaccharides, something that sounds so scary and yet so meaningful that it must be in there to produce some sort of taste. Apparently not.
I think this is unfair, as the bars are clearly meant for dieters (the brand being ‘Light Choices’, and there only being 75cals and 0.6g fat per bar); so what are you trying to say Tesco, that if you’re on a diet you’re not allowed to taste anything? That you should only eat pointless food? Because pointless is one very effective word for these ‘maple’ (2% maple syrup per bar, by the way) cereal bars, and probably quite a polite one. Diets should not be about having a horrible time with food, they should be about controlling your intake accordingly so you can have healthy but lovely things - everything in moderation, I say. And besides, I’m sure an actual bowl of cereal, some organic muesli with ‘no added sugar’ or a bowl of porridge would be healthier than these little soya lecithin, humectant injected pieces of ‘food’.
I’ve just thought - they might taste like wallpaper…or it might just be wishful thinking. Although, these are probably little gems if you’re a singer or an actor. Eat one of these a day, and your mouth will get a proper workout - your voice will be sparkly clear and super strong, even in the places with the worst acoustics.